Respect to a Teacher
May 01
Dear brilliant reader,
This post is about a realization I experienced recently on the subject of respect to a teacher. Some of you might know that I belong to an online forum called the Law of Attraction Forum, which has been invaluable in my personal development and spiritual growth. Recently, David Samuel, who founded and runs the forum, made a comment in one of the posts about a mistake we often make when it comes to respecting others – especially to someone you consider a teacher. I also had the privilege to listen when he shared his wisdom on this topic at one of the regular talks I attended. What I write here is barely scratching the surface.
Since the mistake he talked about is one I recognize myself doing so many times in the past, I feel compelled to share it with you, so perhaps you can be aware of it and not fall into it.
Photo by kkimpel
Please keep in mind that I only write based on my level of understanding at this time, which is still very very very limited… (did I stress that enough?). I encourage you to please test any concept and idea first, experience it for yourself before believing or dismissing it. The purpose of my sharing here is simply as an exercise of self expression (which I am constantly working on) and to help solidify the learning – so it is up to you what you are going to make of it.
Respect Determines Learning and Value
Have you ever noticed that when you meet someone that you look up to as a teacher, or has certain qualities that you admire and wish you have yourself, you have deep respect for them and you get inspired and energized whenever you are interacting with them? When you are in that state, you find you learn a lot from that person, gain a lot of value from just being around them. And because of your respect, you feel that you’d happily help that person in whatever they are doing without feeling obligated.
However, after you get to know them better, they become familiar and you begin to see that they are just like you – they have fears, they make mistakes, they burp, they fart – you get the idea. In essence, you decide that they are human just like you, that in your mind they are not that special anymore. The moment you do that, your lesser ego starts to bring the level of respect down until you probably see them at the same level as you.
Then, you wonder why you do not find you learn much anymore from that person, and you no longer find them inspiring, and you no longer find yourself feeling energized when around them. You may also find that the willingness to offer help to them diminishes, and you slowly drift away from them or take them for granted. Then you may find a new teacher or another person you admire and the pattern repeats. Ask yourself and answer honestly, do you see the pattern in yourself? I clearly saw it in myself and I had to admit it if I were to make sure I do not repeat it.
Without realizing it, when you unconsciously diminish your respect to a teacher, you rob yourself from a great learning opportunity. This limits the value you can get from your interaction with that person.
You might have heard the expression that everyone is a teacher, in one way or another. It is actually true. Everyone is a teacher and you can learn something from them if you are open minded enough and respect them as they are. This is because each person has many great qualities you can learn from, you just don’t know what they are yet. So the key is to respect each person as they are. Sometimes these qualities can be very obvious in the case of the people you admire, but more often they are not. Focus on finding these great qualities, forget about their foibles.
Do you really know?
It is cliche but the saying “Do not judge a book by its cover” has a profound truth in it. You might see that an overweight person at work you dismiss as an ‘antisocial fat slob’ is an absolute genius in computer programming. The ‘timid guy’ that seems so shy and stutters a lot might be writing beautiful poems that melt hearts. The ‘ugly looking lady’ behind the supermarket counter may have an angelic singing voice. To illustrate the point, remember how Susan Boyle was ‘discovered’. You really do not know, do you?
By recognizing that you cannot really know or understand the other person (because you are not them), it is much easier to keep your mind open and maintain the level of respect. Every human being becomes what they are through a very complex chain of cause and effect, and we just do not know what these are. So by recognizing that you do not know, it is much easier to be more objective and see anything as what it is instead of believing your own interpretation to be true. Recognizing that you do not know, it is easier to see anyone as they are, and respect them for what they are.
Parting Words
I hope this little nugget of my own learning can be of value to you. At least it might get you to be a bit more aware that you do not fall into the same mistake I made in the past. I want to close with a quote from my teacher:
When you can look to everyone with great respect, you will be putting awareness in your attention, which means that you are awake at that moment rather than in the normal conscious sleep state, and with that awareness you are humbling yourself which is conquering the lesser ego. ~David Samuel
This is a practice that I am committed to do (so please point out if you see me not being respectful 
)… If you have not already, I encourage you to start seeing everyone with great respect. Show sincere appreciation and respect for what they are, and you will learn more. Please experience for yourself to see if this brings more value out of your interaction with them.
Do you have personal stories or experience you’d like to share here? Feel free to do so by leaving your comment so your learning can be beneficial for others too.
With respect,
Andre
Hi Andre,
Ahhh…this writing is perfect timing for me. I am now in my mental health rotation at school, and my clinical for the next 9 weeks is at a prison for the mentally ill. Last week was my first time there, and it was pretty overwhelming. I am faced with individuals who had committed gruesome crimes and are now serving their time in that hospital. They are heavily medicated but they walk freely without cuff or chain, so I do have to constantly be alert because they could snap anytime. My approach was Dr. Hew Len’s H’oonoponopono, and the things I learned at school. But I realized, I’m still walking around with maybe 25% of fear, and they are very primal, they could smell fear. And I noticed how draining it was for me to carry that fear in that kind of environment. So next week, I will replace that little bit of my last fear with an approach of seeing them as my teacher. I’m sure that will change the dynamic of my interaction with the individual served.
For whatever reason they are there, it is what it is. For whatever reason they need to learn in this life time by being there and having their condition, it is what it is. The causes could be chemical in balance from birth condition or drug use, upbringing, or even past lives occurrence if I see it from a spiritual point of view.
I’m surrounded by some of the most optimistic and uplifting people such as yourself, Andre, and to interact with the opposite end of that spectrum really is interesting. But I realize that I have to invest in my being, and how solid my intents are before approaching them, and still see them as a whole and complete person and respect who and where they are in this life cycle. So thank you, for reminding me this Andre.
In gratitude,
Lina
Hi Lina, thank you for sharing your experience here. That is surely an environment that not everyone has a chance to taste! I have not experienced it myself so I can’t comment much…
I could be wrong, but my current understanding is that having fear for your survival due to possible physical threat is part of the ‘animal’ aspect of human… However, as we are part mortal (the human animal, the physical body) and part immortal (the spirit, soul, true self, essence whatever you want to call it) we are be able to override that fear by having a higher perspective that our essence can’t be harmed. Even death is just a liberating transition.
I agree with you that for whatever reason they are there, it is what it is… we don’t really know the chain of cause and effect that got them to that point, either in this lifetime or from previous ones.
Perhaps approaching each patient you deal with as your teacher will help neutralizing your fear, but I guess you do not know until you try it
. Are you actually interacting with them much in terms of having conversation?
Love and gratitude,
Andre
.-= Andre Sumara´s last blog ..Respect to a Teacher =-.
Yes Andre, I was touched by this quote on your post:
“When you can look to everyone with great respect, you will be putting awareness in your attention, which means that you are awake at that moment rather than in the normal conscious sleep state, and with that awareness you are humbling yourself which is conquering the lesser ego”. ~David Samuel
I’ll take that same commitment and practice it in my clinical setting.
Because it’s so easy to go in there with judgement and fear. Off course my fear came from my ‘animal’ instinct, because of the unfamiliar surrounding, and the fear of ‘what if they snap’ again. That’s why it’s very important for me to be pure and solid in my intention and my energy once I am in their space. For my own safety, and for their healing process. And I feel that if I want to maximize my learning there, then I should give them the level of respect as a teacher, and not as the crimes they have done, or the condition that they are in.
Yes, it is a lock down facility, but they are not in their cells, so them and I walk freely in the same space. But the staff’s working station is locked and safe in the center of the hall. But yes, that’s my primary job being there is to communicate and learn about their world, their hallucinations, their dellusions, their perception of the world, their symptoms, their stories, their depression, their anxiety, etc. I started last week, and I had once conversation with one individual so far, and it’s pretty bizarre. My main role is just to be a listener because it’s about them, and their healing process.
I’m very much excited and appreciative of this opportunity to learn the vastness of the human psyche. So stay tune…I’ll share you more if I come across something interesting… =)
Regards,
Lina
Andre,
Love your insight and your disclaimer:
“The purpose of my sharing here is simply as an exercise of self expression (which I am constantly working on) and to help solidify the learning – so it is up to you what you are going to make of it.”
In my humble opinion there are a lot more “experts” out there that could abide by your same disclaimer. I think it’s incredibly “respectful” to your readers.
The only thing I would “respectfully” challenge in your post is your call to action on people calling you out if you ever come across as disrespectful.
I believe this is subjective. What is respectful and kind to you may seem as disrespectful to others. Hence something outside of yourself could cause you to react rather than to respond.
For example: When we’re online and sharing views in a fashion that we do, we’re going to get people who appose our views or mention how “wrong” we may be in our views. Leaders of movements that don’t find opposition may not have a big enough vision to begin with. (That could have sounded disrespectful right? lol)
My only point is that I find you as an incredibly respectful, kind and loving soul whom I feel nothing but respect for. Although i can also in a kind, loving and respectful way point out that I don’t share your view on inviting criticism of whether “you’re” being respectful or not.
Operating from your highest core values (As your solid foundation of what you say do and think) rarely has you operating out of your own congruency.
Will it mean many people may find you disrespectful even though you’re operating from you core values?
It’s very possible.
However that is a gift of which if they choose to hand to me, I would not accept.
You’re awesome brother and i may have taken this out of context but I felt it important to point out. Much love to you and thank you again for the post!
.-= Tony Teegarden´s last blog ..The UnPhucked Formula-9 Steps To Becoming U.n.P.h.u.c.k.e.d. =-.
Hi Tony, I am grateful for your insightful comment. That is a very good point about the ‘call of action’ on people calling me out if I ever come across as disrespectful. You are absolutely correct, it is subjective and it means there is something outside of me that could cause me to, borrowing your terminology, react rather than to respond.
That is exactly the point why put it there though…, as an exercise of responding instead of reacting. Part of my aim in life is to get as close as possible to a state of equanimity where I can navigate calmly no matter how turbulent the water below me is, which can only be attained by having an objective view of reality instead of having a subjective interpretation of it. Negative emotions is only possible through subjective interpretation, which is when we do not see things as they are, when we argue with reality. If we can be truly objective, then we cannot be insulted or hurt.
Words have so many meanings, and the strength of words is entirely subjective and personal. To borrow an analogy from my teacher… criticism or any negative words from people are like a knife that they left on a table. When I allow it to create negative emotions within me, it is like taking that knive and stick it directly into my own heart, through my mind.
Will it mean some people may find me disrespectful although I am operating from my core values? Given what bizzare beliefs people have, it is very possible. But as you said, I could choose not to accept the gift
.
If someone gives you a gift and you don’t accept it, to whom does it belong? ~Buddha
Thanks again for your thought provoking comment Tony. You added so much value to this post and I learned a lot from you.
Much respect and gratitude to you. You rock!
Hi Andre, Wonderful wonderful post. I have also felt the same way you did in the past. I have learned to see people as a “mystery”. And believe it or not I start with people close to me in my life. It’s so easy to lose a level of respect with your spouse or your children.
So what I do is I constantly “clean” my energy with Jeff and this is almost a daily thing. And I bow to respect and honor him. I see him as a “mystery” much like when I first met him. I would get goose bumps and get all giggly. I also do a lot of visualization.
I do understand what you say here, “Since the mistake he talked about is one I recognize myself doing so many times in the past” And I did start to feel like that with mentors as well as my own feelings about my relationships with people close to me in my life.
Nowadays, I bring myself to a place of being humble. Because being disrespectful is partnering up with ego. When I find myself being humble I always find beauty in everything and everyone. When you mix that emotion with being compassionate then you have a success factor of respecting ALL LIFE.
I have always loved this quote from Tao Te Ching which I will humbly dedicate to you for sharing such an insightful post with us here:
“Surrender yourself humbly; then you can be trusted to care for all things. Love the world as your own self: then you can truly care for all things”
THANK YOU Andre
.-= Therese Miu´s last blog ..Happy Birthday Jeroen!!!!! =-.
Hi Therese, thank you for sharing your insightful thoughts – adding so much value to this post. What you said is very true, it is equally important to maintain the level of respect to people closest to you in your life. It is so easy to take them for granted – often you only realize that when they are not around anymore…
You set a powerful example by sharing how you constantly clean your energy with Jeff… seeing him as a “mystery” really is keeping yourself close to that wonderful state of “bewilderment” which is said to be a highly spiritual state. No wonder you guys seem to have a great relationship!
This is definitely something my wife and I can practice too.
Thank you for dedicating that quote from Tao Te Ching, I’m humbled. It resonates strongly with me as cultivating humility is also part of my aim in life…
And you put it so beautifully:
“Nowadays, I bring myself to a place of being humble. Because being disrespectful is partnering up with ego. When I find myself being humble I always find beauty in everything and everyone. When you mix that emotion with being compassionate then you have a success factor of respecting ALL LIFE.”
Thank you Therese.
Love & respect,
Andre
.-= Andre Sumara´s last blog ..Respect to a Teacher =-.
Andre, this post was very insightful and really helped me. Naturally I recognize what you hit upon but more so in the other way round. Being at the receiving end of seeing realization dawn that I am as human as the next or not as flawless or indefinitely satisfying as an inspiration has been sad for me in the past. Because I am uplifting, insightful and bubbly (others words) most people seem drawn to me. This is kind. Í have the tendency to see the best in people, and also see their potential when they don’t see it themselves. They can be quite embarrassed when I express this or hint at it as they don’t know what to do with it. I have noticed that kiwis seem to have more dilemmas about expressing their own confidence and self value. Maybe it’s the tall poppy thing. Modesty is good, but we don’t have to hide ourselves away.
I think it’s often my faith in- and love for them that people appreciate. 2 years ago I noticed people loved me to bits for the first 6 months say
and then started to move on. I wondered why that happened. Did I become boring? Wasn’t I “nice”? Why didn’t they want to play with me anymore? ;D Waha. Nowadays , also through LOA as you do Andre, I have wisened up and know that it doesn’t matter. If there is “traffic” this means they do not need more from me and that whatever was required has simply finished. (I don’t consider myself a guru type or that I know everything- jeeps, but I have lived around what you would call enlightened folk, done many many courses in Holland as I grew up (17 onwards) and lived around family that were very “talented”. The whole guru/teacher thing can be very overrated and Í wouldn’t advise putting our power in other peoples hands, however wise they might be – but that is a story for another day. Respect yes, but just trust Source and don’t worry about it.)
The whole theory also applies the other way round: I appreciate others and treat them well. Not judging others is paramount as you’re quite right in saying we don’t know others story or bagage. In the end of the day it’s of no consequence if people come and go, but how we helped each other. I continue to help others by asking questions, giving them information or support, or simply by making them smile where I can, and rely on myself for sustenance, as I’m not dependant on the outside to provide this). And anyhoo: working with LOA it means I generally meet people who are lovely! Some become true friends and I see this as a bonus. I thank you for your post, and it made me think too in whether I have done this myself. Keep up the good work Andre, I really enjoy reading your ponderings and wonderings. You are a wonderful person.
Hi Mirjam, thanks so much for dropping by and leaving such a valuable comment. What you shared brings so much fresh perspective to see it from being at the receiving end. You have been so generous in giving upliftment (is that a proper word?) and insight, and have the wonderful gift of being able to see the potential people can’t see themselves, so it comes naturally that people seem to be drawn to you.
Yes I do notice what could be ‘tall poppy syndrome’ tendency in kiwis. Although you can say I am a kiwi now, I did not grow up here so I don’t really know about how most kiwis were raised that they seem to have more dilemmas about expressing their own confidence and value.
It is a sad fact that personal development and spirituality have been turned into a big business now and there are so many false teachers out there. So if we are not careful and blindly give our power away to the guru, we can end up broke and not going anywhere. However, each person’s path to personal development is unique to that person, and who are we to say that this or that path is wrong for him/her. We really don’t know enough and I don’t think we can ever know enough.
Just reading your comment I felt that I have learned a lot from you Mirjam. I appreciate your sharing your approach to life here – I think we’re at the same page
. Thank you.
Much respect and gratitude,
Andre
.-= Andre Sumara´s last blog ..Respect to a Teacher =-.
I don’t think I’ve seen so many inspired comments in a long time Andre.
I believe that in the coming years, teachers will be some of the highest
paid people on the web. In my country, teachers are paid very low, which
is VERY sad in itself. I think the opposite will happen very soon. I have
seen it already in my industry. The best teachers are also the highest
paid individuals.
Thanks for the great post Andre.
I find mindset makes all the difference. If I’m looking to learn, I can learn from anyone, and I find that a great teacher is like magic.
.-= J.D. Meier´s last blog ..Lessons Learned from Steve Pavlina =-.
Andre,
Thank you for this wonderful post!
Ahhh to see everyone as a teacher…
I guess what this got me thinking about is relationships,
when the person becomes not so new and loses
their allure. They’re no longer the mysterious guy or gal
just someone you wish would hand you the remote for a change.
To start seeing your spouse, your children, your friends,
boss, colleagues as teachers can deeply change how we interact
with one another. It’s not about thinking someone is above
you it’s really about knowing that every individual has something
very special to teach you in this lifetime and you must
pay very close attention, listen very carefully and be
SO very present to catch the lesson. A slight distraction
and you can miss it.
Having the attitude
oh, I know so and so,
or pegging people immediately takes
them out of the role of teacher
and robs us of the opportunity
to grow and learn from that person.
Going back to relationships-
for many couples as soon as they’re intimate,
or after years of being together the allure is gone
and an attitude of been there done that can emerge.
When in fact whether we’re talking about intimacy
or being with someone for years it’s really only the beginning.
Can anyone say they really know someone after years together?
Maybe on some level yes, but we are all constantly changing
and growing. I remember one of the greatest things I
heard about relationships was from an interview Michael Beckwith did
on relationships. He said that he and his wife get married and divorced every day/every moment.
They divorce themselves for thinking “I know this person” and marry the new person in each moment. This gives them freedom to change, to be surprised by one another and in essence they constantly get to be both teacher and student for one another. I was so deeply touched by this and this is a beautiful and loving way to approach all of our relationships.
So I am committing to approaching everyone from a beginner’s mind.
As you know the ego loves categories so this can be a challenge,
but it’s one I’ll gladly take.
Thank you for being my teacher.
With deep gratitude and appreciation,
Thérèse
.-= Thérèse Cator´s last blog ..Stop Overthinking & Get Into the Doing + BIG News =-.